i hate the fact that people can write so well and i can't! why does it get so difficult to express even on paper..
even in the anonimity of a blog, where no one is sposd to know how rich n famous or how poor n stupid you are.. words dun seem to come out!
yes, i feel like listening to linkin park.. n i feel like doing things maybe good girls don't do!
i had my first smoke, i wonder what mamma will think of it..
i kinda liked it, the smoke that comes from within.. the fact that i can create something so light as smoke..
i loved these lines:
" i think smoke is beautiful, weightless and shapeless, it appears almost as decptively powerless as the person releasing it and yet it comes from within and rises above us all.."
crap! i have this secret fantasy of gettin real high someday n losing my senses.. blabbering away to glory, away from reality.. maybe i will feel like some weightless object or perhaps i will get wings.. but there is this fear always of what one can do when they are above everything that matters in this world.. i wonder what i will blurt out..
winter makes me nostalgic.. i want it to be cold soon.. i dun like this transition to winter where people are too embarrased to wear jackets cos others are not yet feelin cold.. yes, m a part of those too who are afraid to be the first.. i'd rather wait for the other to begin before i can admit i'm cold.. (i already wear slippers at home cos the floor is cold! :P )
then again winters bring that chill.. its so wonderful! i remember the day i purposely took off my shawl jus to feel the prick of the cold through myself, its a something feel to have that numbness n cold cut through u..
i dunno why m talkin this way today.. but it feels good..
i want to stop eating..
i want to sleep..
i want to feel cold..